one of your pastors is wanted by the police

That's right, the Sugarcreek Police are after me. Here's why...apparently there are too many of "my" grass clippings in the ALLEY beside my house!

We've had a ton of rain this year...and with my crazy schedule, I can't always mow my lawn in a timely manner. Well, last night, I finally got around to it. It was tall, yes...and so after every swipe through the lawn on my riding mower, I would turn around in the alley. Well, this caused a fair amount of grass clippings to stay in the alley...and on my driveway.

So after mowing, I get out the pushbroom to sweep off my driveway (who cares about the alley, right?). As I'm sweeping, one of Sugarcreek's finest comes through the alley and stops at my driveway. She says to me, "Do you know it's illegal to have grass clippings in the street within the Village of Sugarcreek?"

I say, "Really?"

She says, "Yes, and we've received complaints recently about grass clippings in the street." (As if to say, "Yeah, people are unhappy about your grass-filled alley").

I say, "Have you received a complaints about my house in particular?"

She says, "Well...not this house in particular, but we have been getting complaints."

She goes on... "So you need to clean the grass from the street. And I'm just going to give you a warning this time instead of citing you."

I say, "Thanks...I guess."

And then she drove off.

First off, I had JUST FINISHED mowing my lawn...and I had a broom in my hand... Could you at least give me a chance to sweep it.

Secondly...IT'S AN ALLEY! sheesh!

But, I guess it was nice of her to "let me off with just a warning."

Could you imaging if I had gotten cited? It would make headlines in Sugarcreek: Local Pastor Cited for Littering...or something like that.

Anyway...guess who's been keeping his grass clippings out of the alley lately? That's right...I've become a model mower.

random thoughts

Just need to share these (it's like I need someone to tell this stuff to...so why not share it with my online friends):

• I love those little cherries that come in cans of fruit cocktail. Do they make whole cans with only those cherries in them? I'd buy a can of those.
• When I'm golfing, I need to think less on the tee box and think more when I'm around the green. I'm convinced I'd score better if I just did that.
• Is there anything better than Marzetti's slaw dressing? I could eat that stuff on anything. Shoot, I bet I could eat your shoes if they had enough Marzetti slaw dressing on them.
  Just wanted to share. Aren't you glad you logged on?

things that drive me crazy

So here are some every day-type items that absolutely drive me crazy. See if you can relate:

Grocery carts with one bad wheel. I HATE that! We've all gotten the cart that wobbles...or the one that has the shaky wheel that just kinda fluttlers back and forth. Ever get the cart that has a wheel with a flat spot on it? How 'bout the ones that won't roll straight? I seem to have a knack for picking the cart that got the front wheel that gets stuck every so often and just kinda scoots along the floor. Ahhhh! Then I put it back and I seem to ALWAYS pick one with a different problem on another wheel. Oh, and how 'bout the carts that stick together when you try to yank them away from the others? It's like they're hanging on for dear life!

For what it's worth...the store with the absolute worst shopping carts: Value City. The best? IKEA (their carts are always in great condition and they have all-wheel steering--very fun...you can push that thing sideways if you want to).

Next in line: Blowers in restrooms. Just give me some paper towels...PLEASE! Don't you hate pushing the button and then rubbing your hands under the blower for what seems like ages? And then your hands still aren't dry. You always end up wiping them on your pants leg anyway. Next up: When you're at a restaurant and the fork you're using has tines that don't line up quite right. You know, the fork has one prong that sticks up...it's like it's rebelling against the other tines. So what do we do? We take the fork out of our mouths, and then try and even things up by using our hands that we just tried to blow-dry and ended up wiping on our pants. Nice.

Next up: Ketchup packets at fast-food places. Okay...if you're gonna make us use ketchup packets, then make 'em bigger! First of all, it's just a huge hassel to try and rip the thing open. Sometimes you can't even get a good grip. Then when you do finally get a grip on it, you end up tearing the whole side open, making a mess in the process. So then you squeeze out the little-tiny bit of ketchup that's in the pack. And it's good for, what? Two fries? If you're like me, you spend five minutes opening enough ketchup packets for your super-sized fries that are cold by the time you get enough ketchup squeezed out for them. Plus, I always have the dilemma of where to squeeze the ketchup to...do I squirt it into the lid of my Big Mac? Do i try and flatten out a wrapper and squeeze it onto that? What's proper ketchup packet etiquette? And the part that makes NO SENSE to me it that ketchup packets come with FAST food. Right? The food is supposed to be designed to eat on-the-go. So you go through the drive-thru, and they give you ketchup packets for the car. How's THAT supposed to work? Ridiculous.Next in line and not far behind ketchup packets are: Phone cords. Once they're twisted the wrong way, you can NEVER get them back to the way they were. Why is that?

And last on my list of everyday items that give me fits is: CD wrappers. Don't tell me you don't hate 'em too. Have you ever, in your life, opened a new CD easily? It takes ten minutes...minimum! Fingernails don't work...I've tried biting them open...I've tried scissors...you name it. And then, when you finally get the cellophane off, there are those stupid stickers on each end with a little tab that reads "pull." And THAT NEVER WORKS! Ever had one of those stickers come off easily? What a hassle!

Okay...I'm done...I feel better.