raising a teenager? how far is too far (sexually) for them to go?

When I read something helpful, I want to pass it along. Several weeks ago, I mentioned in this blog a book that Jenny and I began reading together: Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry by Lisa Bevere. The subtitle is Why women lose when they give in.

If you're parenting girls, or you're a single young lady...read this book!

Jenny and I are reading because we're always seeking wisdom and godly counsel on parenting--particularly now that we have a daughter in junior high. We've read the first few chapters and here are a couple of the "scuds" I thought were worth sharing:

• After praying for insight for what she should share about dating, boys, and sex with teenage girls at her church, she said this is what she received from the Holy Spirit: "You are looking for rules to restrict their behavior. Rules will not keep them. The empowerment they need must be born out of relationship. Change their focus from what they can't do to what they can do."


• What can they do? Here's what she had to say about dressing suggestively: She said, "I think [dressing suggestively] is a great idea. Go right ahead and dress like a whore if you want to attract a whoremonger. It's like fishing--the bait you use will determine what you'll catch. So if you want to hook a sleazy guy, by all means dress sleazy."


• When asked the big question: How far is too far? Here was her reply: "You can go as far with your boyfriend as you are comfortable doing in front of your father. For your father is the protector and guardian of the virtue for daughters." Wow.

She said that the whispering and giggling stopped and you could hear a pin drop. Each girl was visiting that scenario in her mind. In front of my dad? What would that look like? Come on, we don't do things like that in front of our fathers.

She continues in the book: This is true, for most everything we would do sexually we'd do behind closed doors, in darkened corners, under the cover of night, in a car, or in a drug or alcohol haze. If we were brazen enough, perhaps we'd mess around in a dark room of our homes while our parents slept elsewhere, but never in the light, sober, right in front of our dads.

She said she'd knew she'd given the right answer to the wrong question from a generation of confused and vulnerable girls.

Jenny and I, as we read this book, we cry together. We long to be the kind of parents God wants us to be. We want to raise God-loving, God-honoring kids. And we need help. 'Cause parenting ain't easy. So I'm just passing along some of the stuff that's rocking our world right now.